Married at Twenty

Lately, I’ve found myself thinking about my life compared to other young woman around my age. I’ve been debating whether or not to accept the fact that I’m the stereotype. “Oh, everyone is getting engaged.” “Military couples get married too quick.” 

I’ve argued with myself about embracing the fact, or ignoring it. I married shortly after I turned 20. We hadn’t even been engaged an entire month before we went to the courthouse and eloped. It definitely wasn’t the wedding I had spent much of my adolescence planning, and it’s absolutely not where I thought I would be. It was never my plan, honestly. I much preferred a wedding over a marriage. Matrimony seemed like just an expensive piece of paper for a title that earned you tax deductions. I was just in it for the big party and the pretty dress. 

There were neither the day that George and I were married. It was just me, him, and an old man standing a little too close as he read our vows and watched our first kiss as Mr. and Mrs. We were in a small chapel somewhere in downtown San Antonio, on Halloween day, with a very busty woman waiting for her turn to use the cheaply decorated chapel. It was not at all what I pictured when I imagined my wedding day, and it was still the happiest day of my life. The ceremony with just George and I, and Pastor Cravy, was odd, but intimate. I realized in the moments that George and I were saying “I do”, that although this was hardly my plan, it was exactly where I was meant to be in this life. 

Much like any other couple, we had rough times. We had our share of arguments, selfishness, and even a break up. However, as cliche as it sounds, we had to fall apart to realize how much we needed each other. I can’t speak for George, but I’m so thankful we had that time to understand how deeply we wanted each other. The boy I sat in front of in sophomore chemistry, who teased me all throughout high school, had grown so important to me, and I don’t think either or us really recognized how much we really needed the other person. 

Getting married so young scared me. I spent the night before we got married sobbing on the couch, absolutely inconsolable because I was afraid of what we were doing. I wasn’t necessarily worried about me, I was so afraid George would change his mind. I was afraid what everyone said about young couples or getting married at 20 would weigh too heavily on his heart, and I was terrified he would regret choosing me. Even now, it’s hard for me to truly grasp the fact that he chose me and married me and even though I have his last name, I just have to ask once in a while how long he’ll love me, to which he replies “7ever” (because it’s more than 4ever, duh). 

Along with my own insecurities, like needing to be told that yes, he does still love me, and no, he’s not mad at me, I’ve realized a problem I’ve created for myself is being so dependent on social media to tell me how I should be loved. When I see a girl who’s partners mm has brought her flowers or set up a cute gift for their anniversary, I would get a twinge if jealousy, a sort of “Why doesn’t that happen for me?” When people post cute pictures with their girlfriends with sweet captions, I would wonder to myself “am I not pretty enough to show off?” I would become incredibly sad because I felt like all these other girls were being spoiled and although I appreciated everything George did for me, I wanted more. I felt like I would send him long paragraphs pouring out my heart to him, and he would reply with a couple sentences. I would send him pictures all day of what I was doing (thanks, long distance relationship), and he would open them and not respond. I felt like I was doing so much, and it wasn’t being reciprocated in the ways I wanted. I didn’t understand how toxic I was being to both of us. 

Being able to live with George has really opened my eyes to how much he did for me without me even realizing. What I took for tough love was him wanting me to better myself. He pushes me to do better and to want more, not just for us but for myself. He loves me in his own, private, intimate way, in a way I’ve never been shown love. He cares for me in such an immense and powerful way, I actually cry if I think too much about it. 

We get on each other’s nerves and we argue over who has to pick lunch, but the marriage that we have is everything I could ask for. I’ve stopped comparing us to what I see on twitter, and I’m so much happier for it. The attention I thought I was lacking was a toxic mindset that I drove myself into, and have very much grown from. The love that I’ve been lucky enough to have for the past years has made me a stronger young woman, and shown me the way I should be treated. We have a genuine “I can finish your sentences, literally before it’s out of your mouth” connection, and he’s easily my best friend who I can tell anything to. 

Being married at 20 isn’t ideal for everyone, and I definitely never pictured it for myself. But it’s just extra years I’m able to spend seeing the world with the best teammate I could ask for. I’ve found someone who encourages me to grow, and will always help me to do just that. And I couldn’t ask for more.